:: Sunday, November 05, 2006 ::

Meh. I'm too lazy to patch it. Hehe.

Part of me feels like this is a sign I should just stop blogging. It's been years since I felt like this page was at all funny or interesting. Maybe blogging is a phase of my life that's inextricably linked to University?

Also, I'm starting to worry that I might have a stalker. I'm not joking. I keep getting these really creepy phone calls from a restricted telephone number. Two last sunday, and two tonight (also Sunday). Last week one was total silence and the second sounded like creepy incomprehensible whispering. Tonight one was silence and one sounded like breathing... or maybe static?

Not sure. But the timing was weird. I hope I don't get killed in my bed. *knock on wood*

:: Katy 10:58 p.m. [+] :: ::

Eight days, three emails, no response.

*WHOO-HOO... BLOGGER SUPPORT... OVER HERE.... PAY ATTENTIONN TOOO MEEEEEEEE"

:: Katy 8:25 a.m. [+] :: ::

from http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp (selected)

Your birthday is November 24th, 1983.

Your date of conception was on or about 3 March 1983 which was a Thursday.

You were born on a Thursday
under the astrological sign Sagittarius.
Your Life path number is 11.

As of 11/1/2006 11:01:22 AM EST
You are 22 years old.
You are 276 months old.
You are 1,197 weeks old.
You are 8,378 days old.
You are 201,083 hours old.
You are 12,064,981 minutes old.
You are 723,898,882 seconds old.

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.27906066536204 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 23 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 23 candles.

Those 23 candles produce 23 BTUs,
or 5,796 calories of heat (that's only 5.7960 food Calories!).
You can boil 2.63 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with its fate, can be egoistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over heart, but takes partnership very serious.


PS -- 6 days, 3 emails and counting... still no response from blogger support

:: Katy 8:07 a.m. [+] :: ::

Today, viewed from a bus window:

A man, in full halloween costume, with a poppy pinned to his breast, walking by a decorated Christmas tree in a shop window.

*sigh*

I can't say I'm not a consumer whore... though I'm always working on it... but stuff like that just makes me sad.

One holiday at a time, people!


ps -- still no response from blogger support... 5 days, 3 emails and counting...

:: Katy 9:05 p.m. [+] :: ::

Blogger sucks.

They pester me to switch to the "beta" version, claiming nothing will change about the appearance of my blog.

Uh, right. Anyone notice that godforsaken navbar at the top now?

I've emailed blogger support twice and posted in the help forum. Nobody has gotten back to me. I have an upgraded account, and the only reason I wanted it was because it meant I could be navbar free. Apparently now they've downgraded me. Good to know after four years of solid blogging AND an account upgrade, they value me so highly.

I HATES THE NAVBAR. BLOGGER SUPPORT, WHY DO YOU IGNORE ME?

:: Katy 12:32 a.m. [+] :: ::

My Seven Deadly Sins Test:

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	Medium

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com


Funny, I would have expected "sloth" to rate higher...

:: Katy 12:14 a.m. [+] :: ::

Organizing my email today I run into a note from my Auntie who died last summer. It doesn't say much, but it's her, complete with "hellooo daahlingk" and "honey bunch". Its weird how you grow used to someone's absence, how you think you're over it, and then something so small makes you so angry. Angry there's no number where that voice will be on the other end of the line.

A few months ago I was moving my "important" stuff from SSI, just enough that I could carry, and going through my expandofile of documents I found the little sheaf of papers from my high school friend who died a few years ago. The papers are emails, letters and poems and whatnot he wrote to/for me. They've become ten times more valuable to me because in a moment of sheer stupidity I deleted them along with the old email account. Some of the papers have been spilled on and realizing that they're so perishable is a bit scary. I suppose I could retype them but it wouldn't be the same, it would be lacking that feeling they have, knowing that he sat there and typed them just as they appear. They would miss his old email address in the "from" field. They just wouldn't be the same.

Sometimes I really wish I could go back, just for one day. Missing people is somewhat like missing a substance you've given up, like sugar or smokes. I suppose that means I'm addicted to the people I love. And I suppose there are worse substance abuse problems I could have. Hm.

Love hurts. But it hurts more to not have it, I guess.

:: Katy 3:43 p.m. [+] :: ::

oh, dearie.

i think i loves me new job. specifically, i think i loves me new coworkers.

life is awesome.

:: Katy 1:38 a.m. [+] :: ::

I have found a house!

Home on November 1st. New job tomorrow. Exciting bits of life scattered here and there. I'm so friggin excited and in love with this city and this life.

I was getting a little worried that I wouldn't be able to find a place. November isn't the most popular month to move and pets aren't the most popular with landlords. Luckily these people seem nice and now I get to live with my lovely roommate AND her cat. It's fall and I'm feeling the urge to nest. It's been almost a year since I packed up my belongings and put them in my parent's basement. I'm excited for my own bed, my own room, my own door. I'm excited for my frying pans and dvd player and brita filter.

I'm just plain excited.

:: Katy 10:13 p.m. [+] :: ::

Dear Gin,

It saddens me to say it, but I think we need to part ways. We've had a good time over the past few months, it's true, but it's probably best if we just admit that it was a wild summer fling. Last night really was the last straw. I'm sorry, I know I abused you a little, but in the end... well, you make me sick. All that fun isn't really worth feeling so awful. I hope you have luck finding someone who appreciates you.

Best,
Katy

:: Katy 6:58 p.m. [+] :: ::

I AM EMPLOYED!

:: Katy 10:44 p.m. [+] :: ::

god I LOVE not being in school.

the job and the house hunt are in full-swing, and i'm thrilled. scared shitless, but thrilled. i'm so excited to have a home again, and an income, and just start living. in many ways school really was an enjoyable experience for me, despite all the bitching, but lately i've felt like i was really living in a way i haven't felt before. life seriously just rocks.

and the fact that i can say that while working a temp job i don't really like, and living on my brother's sofa because i'm too poor to find my own place, and worrying about finding a place because i'm essentially unemployed... still, life rocks.

i recently realized i don't have to feel like i'm waiting for my life to start. i'm going to get an awesome job and an awesome house. then, i'm going to get a camera. and then, i'm going to start taking classes, at night, one at a time. screw scrimping and saving and waiting.

keep yer fingies crossed for me. tomorrow i find out the verdict about that job i wanted...

:: Katy 10:38 p.m. [+] :: ::

*eeeeeek*

really promising potential job...

interview went well... agent tells me they were "very impressed"...

great pay... cool location... hell there's even a gym in the building.

dammit. now i have my hopes up.

:: Katy 1:36 a.m. [+] :: ::

I really, really thought that I would finally be out of the red in my bank account after this week's paycheque...

But this week was bill payment week, and now that I've got the credit and phone bills taken care of I only have 83 dollars left. Which would be fine... except Monday my government loan is going to be direct debited out to the tune of 97 dollars.

I really just want to cry. or laugh. or cry while laughing? laugh while crying? whatever.

I guess I'll be out of the red next week instead.

:: Katy 11:55 p.m. [+] :: ::

I'm in a bit of a funk after the weekend, which was lovely and amazing but at the same time tiring and, as a result, a little irritating. I'm reaching the hard stage of sofa-surfing, the stage where not having your own space starts to feel suffocating, where watching TV and relaxing isn't even relaxing because you can't watch what you want to watch, you have to watch what others are watching, and you have to talk about it when all you want to do is curl up and be by yourself.

and then you kick yourself because you know it's just the fatigue talking, and you're with good friends you never get to see and you're really glad, what you're really mad about is that you're no longer on vacation with no responsibility and a big huge bedroom with a queen sized bed in it and most importantly a door. and you're glad to have the sofas and the company because they prove that you have wonderful people who love you and you know that, truth be told, ten minutes alone in that bedroom and you'd be poking your head out saying "... what's going on out here?"

so i had a great weekend, it's true, but now the law is being laid down: i am back on my sugar-free health kick diet because i feel fucking gross from all the restaurant food and cheating. and i'm also back on my budget because a mere four days off it (especially with all the eating out) has created a serious issue. especially now that the end of my temp job is in sight and nothing promising is on the horizon.

i'm a little worried aobut getting a house without a job and with a cat and without much time... but at the same time i know it will work out because it always does and because i am amazing. and then i will have a beautiful house with a beautiful roommate and a cat (! which i've wanted in the city for years !) and lots of cool generous friends ot have over.

i can't wait to get settled and stop whining.

:: Katy 12:40 a.m. [+] :: ::

The rain has been falling steadily all day, heralding the onslaught of autumn in Vancouver. Downtown is awash with grumbles, muffled under black umbrellas. I swim through, happy as a trout that has been caught, brought up into the dry heat, and then returned into the cool damp that is home.

Only, unlike the trout, I enjoyed the fresh air and the heat on my skin. But it's that feeling of belonging that returns with the rain each fall. I become prone to staring out windows, to writing damp poetry, to listening to Bob Dylan and Iron & Wine. I wonder if I love the rain because it inspires me to write and express and discover, or if it inspires me because I love it? Is there a difference?

With this welcome return has also come a welcome sense of self. Lately I have felt more inclined to call myself a writer and a photographer, rather than saying I want to be a writer and a photographer, because I am, and because I need to be. Those things feel like home to me just like the rain.

And, as I wade to work each morning and put in my nine to five, I can't help but feel satisfied, despite the whining and complaining and stressing, because I'm doing and earning and producing. I can go home at five and not worry about work again until the next morning. I can spend my evenings indulging and not feel like I should be doing something else. I can start devoting my spare time to the things I want, rather than procrastinating aimlessly.

So, my peace of mind has arrived with the grey clouds and settled. I know I'm okay and that it's all just beginning.

:: Katy 6:18 p.m. [+] :: ::

Well, it's that time of year again: I'm hitting you up for money!

CLICK HERE to support me in the CIBC Run for the Cure.

This is my fourth year running, which means it must be... well, nearly four years since my mom got sick. Is that right? Wow. That's pretty amazing. GOOD FOR YOU, MAMA!

As I say every year, every dollar helps, so if you can spare even a buck or two it would be most appreciated. I can accept donations in person, my mother can accept them on Salt Spring, or my donation page can accept them from anywhere!

Of course, if you be a poor student/recent grad like me, then well-wishes are welcomed equally.

Thanks!

:: Katy 12:41 a.m. [+] :: ::

Wow... scratch the earlier post about working with an employment agency. Well, at least without doing a lot of research first. I'm feeling totally screwed over at the moment.

Do you ever feel like everyone is trying to manipulate you, and there's nobody you can really have in your corner? I wish I could have a lawyer tail me around and explain what is in my best interest at all times.

Dammit.

:: Katy 6:31 p.m. [+] :: ::

I think I'm going to have to wage war on my old fitness centre.

First of all: never ever sign a contract with a gym, and under no circumstances let them keep your credit card number. This will, and I mean will, come back to bite you in the ass.

About a year ago I signed up with this gym, which will remain nameless for the time being, because they had a good facility and an amazing deal. It was about 27 dollars a month for unlimited use of the facilities, including all classes. At the time of sign-up I was warned that there was one small catch: that I would have to sign an agreement that authorized them to take monthly payments off my credit card unless I formally cancelled my membership. I said sure, why not, I'm sure I'll remember to do that.

That was my first mistake.

Fast forward to this August, when I noticed an unusual transaction on my credit card statement. 28 dollars, to be exact. You might be thinking, "of course you twit, you signed the form!" and you know what?

You'd be right.

Except.

Why didn't I notice this sooner? Because I signed up in early August for a six month membership. This means that the first charge to my card should have appeared in early February. However, they did not start charging me until June. Four full months after they should have.

This seemed a little fishy, but in the meantime I thought I'd cancel the account. So I phone to tell them as much. But no dice. No dice? Nope. At this time I'm informed that they don't cancel memberships over the phone. I would have to come into the gym. I haven't lived in Vancouver since November, I say. I'm travelling, I say. No dice. It's in-person or nothing. Apparently it's to do with the signature. Nobody ever thought to suggest a fax to me, by the way. Just in person. Now in all fairness I didn't think of it, and further, I wasn't travelling at the time, but they didn't know that and I wasn't formally or permanently living in Vancouver so what's the difference?

So two weeks later I go into the gym to cancel the membership. I sign the document, and the guy is very nice, and then proceeds to inform me that because of their 30-day cancellation policy I will likely be charged one more time. He suggests I call the woman who's in charge of accounts, who has a very silly name. Let's just call her... Lollipop. So the next morning I call Lollipop and explain the situation, and to make a long story short she agrees with me and promises to personally make sure my card isn't charged.

Four days later my card is charged.

So then I call to get it reversed. She says she'll reverse it. A week and a half later it still isn't done. A week later it still isn't done. So I go into the gym to talk about it. The guy there tells me to call her because she's the only one that can help me. So I call and she says she'll take care of it. It doesn't get done. Today I talk to her and she promises to do it. Now, it's entirely possible that she did it and it just hasn't shown up yet. But why am I feeling doubtful?

To make the story more colourful: when I walked into the gym after the second promise of refund, I also asked to see a copy of my membership agreement. I'm growing more and more suspicious about that four month lag between when they should have charged me and when they actually did. It's entirely possible that I could have watched the card like a hawk for four months, seen that it wasn't getting charged, and assumed it wasn't going to happen. Maybe they're not in the wrong legally but it seems a little ethically... off. In any case, when I walk in and ask for it, what a coincidence, their computer is down. Apparently they need the computer to show me a copy of my agreement (which I signed in hard copy). Talk to Lollipop he says, the computer is down.

When I talk to Lollipop the next day, I also mention the agreement and, what a coincidence, they're in the process of moving offices and they don't know where it is.

Okay, seriously.

The only good side to this is that if they can't find my agreement then I'm well within my rights to demand a refund of the entire 90 dollars they've taken from me thus far. So I almost hope they "can't find it" for real.

Blah. Lesson learned.

:: Katy 7:39 p.m. [+] :: ::

I've slowly been getting my flickr account up and running... you can find the link in the menu on the right.

It's mostly just all my point-and-shoot photos... lots of Salt Spring and Whistler, a bit of drunken debaucherousness, a few tidbits of pretentious arty-ness. Fun! I'll be uploading my entire store of photos over the next month or so, so there should be lots of activity.

:: Katy 12:37 a.m. [+] :: ::

My Personality

Neuroticism	45
Extraversion	76
Openness To Experience	81
Agreeableness	50
Conscientiousness	26

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report MySpace Surveys, Bebo and MySpace Codes by Pulseware Survey Software

:: Katy 1:01 a.m. [+] :: ::

I can't believe it never occurred to me before now to use an employment agent. having someone who you don't have to pay whose job it is to find you a job. brilliant. i like the job i'm doing now and i toyed with the idea of staying, but i've decided i won't accept such a small salary and i'm shooting for something higher. i just hope i can find something that's interesting and busy, where the days will pass quickly and i won't want to die of boredom. *fingies crossed*

i got my first paycheque yesterday and man oh man was that satisfying. i'm so excited at the prospect of financial independance. responsibility is kind of an exotic concept for me at this point. I'm sad that I had to give up the ghost and accept that our awesome outdoor adventure plan for next summer (that plan being to kayak all the way to alaska) is way way out of my financial grasp. it makes me extra sad 'cause such an adventure with two of my very very favourite people would have been the experience of a lifetime. ah well. i have a whole lifetime to have those adventures i guess.

patience is a virtue that i'm really lacking. i kind of want to work on it this fall... i think worrying less would make me a lot happier. and a lot less tense.

i would kill for a good massage right now. well, maybe just maim.

:: Katy 6:04 p.m. [+] :: ::

holy shit i (heart) hbo.

i've been relaxing/visiting on ssi for the long weekend. today i watched a marathon of the 3rd season of entourage, which i've never seen before.

wowza. hbo tv is the best thing ever. sex, sopranos, six feet under, now this?

oh adrian grenier, how hot you are. jeremy piven, how i love thee.

:: Katy 9:34 p.m. [+] :: ::

okay. breathe. regroup.

i had my little panic attack, got over it, did some more budgeting, and now i'm excited about vancouver again. i've been enjoying my job thus far. it's only been getting more entertaining as i've been learning. it's nice to work the 9 to 5 again. it's nice to have weekends off. i feel a bit like a small child. routine and structure can be comforting.

on the flip side, i am officially sofa-surfing and living out of a suitcase again. that's okay as well though. i'm thinking i might actually try to do it for two months this time around, but we'll see how i feel in a week or two. i recently weeded out all the clothes i never wear and it's kind of nice to realize that all my clothing fits in my big suitcase. i feel so functionally nomadic!

so there you go. structure and routine, mixed with homelessness. fun!

going home for the weekend for a good hangout with the parents. missing them these days for some reason. i've been drunk for a month, i need home for a rest, i guess.

:: Katy 11:04 p.m. [+] :: ::

... just when you think the confusion is going to end...

the confusion returns.

dammit.

:: Katy 10:08 p.m. [+] :: ::

Oh. MY.

I am sitting here eating a delicious banana muffin.

Why am I so excited about this?

Because it is totally sugar-free (well, minus the sugar in the bananas and milk, of course). And whole wheat. God bless Stevia.

It sure tastes like crap in some situations, but so far it gets two thumbs up for baking.

:: Katy 11:20 p.m. [+] :: ::

You know you're frightened of the future when you find yourself wishing you were going back to school.

... or at least I do, anyway.

Vancouver? I'm still a bit skeptical about you. Do I really want to stay here? Or, more to the point, do I really want to pay rent right now? And buy food? And... and...

Salt Spring... I love you, but would you make me want to die of boredom and loneliness? Would I have friends? Would I get decent work? Would I ever get laid? Would I get fat and apathetic?

Oh world. So big yet so small.

Blah.

:: Katy 12:41 a.m. [+] :: ::

the summer is slowly drawing to a close and i'm really okay with that. i'll miss the pretty weather and the tan, but i'm getting a little bored of unemployment.

i finally decided to stay in vancouver for the winter, and i'm actually excited about it. i won't bore with the details but just say that at the end of the day it's the smartest decision. my winter will now be spent working like mad, saving money like mad, and exercising like mad to prepare for a very epic outdoor adventure next summer. details of that will come later.

finally, some peace of mind. a decision. i only hope amidst all this responsibility and working and money saving and good-health-promoting i still have time to obsess about boys and get up to no good...

:: Katy 3:00 a.m. [+] :: ::

the irony of the title "sophisticated naughtiness" lies in the fact that very little of that naughtiness actually makes it to this page. either i'm self-censoring on purpose or i'm just too busy being sophisticatedly naughty to bother writing about it.

lately i have felt the itch to write but haven't been sure what i want to write about. most of my naughtiness is a little too personal for me to post in such a public forum, and everyone's heard my "i'm bored and confused" anthem a little too often.

i was sitting at a bus stop today thinking about how completely overwhelmed i am with choice and at the same time by limitations. and i realized how nice it would be to have a reason to be anywhere, because it would make the decision that much easier. i'm the type of girl who gets overwhelmed by a breakfast menu. how do i order up my future?

but i've also realized that after this extended vacation i'll be okay with whatever comes... should i end up in a full-time job in this rainy, beautiful city it certainly won't be the end of the world. it might even be nice, to finally get to experience vancouver in this stage of my life; not a student, not on vacation, but just... living. it will certainly allow more time (and money) to appreciate it.

but for now there are two more weeks of martini-drinking, poor-decision-making, up-all-night debauchery... and i intend to make the most of it.

:: Katy 11:52 p.m. [+] :: ::

... and the financial panic is starting to set in.

stupid government taking my student loan payment directly from my bank account. seems so invasive. i am capable of paying a bill, you know. five years of university did teach me a thing or two...

*sigh*

:: Katy 12:27 p.m. [+] :: ::

Oh man...

I am seriously loving life right now.

Still unemployed, taking a bit of a summer vacation... which is very self-indulgent considering I've basically been on vacation since January. But this is the first time (aside from the trip east) that it's really felt like vacation.

Things have especially perked up since I've been back in Vancouver (a very smart decision that was). I spend my days on the beach and my nights socializing. I've been drinking more than I have in as long as I can remember, and have more than a few stories not fit for public display. I've decided Wreck Beach really is my favourite place in Vancouver. We've been there so frequently, in fact, that the regulars are starting to recognise us.

But in case that sounds like too much debauchery, I've also been exercising nearly every day. If I don't go for a run it's because I know I'm climbing hundreds of wreck beach stairs. I've been eating super healthy in general, but in addition to that I also gave up sugar nine days ago and I'm feeling GREAT. Nothing like the last time I tried...

So the fake tanner hit the bin and yes, I know tanning is not the healthiest of activities, but lying naked in the sunshine really does have one or two health benefits. Between the sunshine and the exercise and the lack of sugar crashes, I'm walking around in a state of euphoria.

I'm applying for work this week (really, I am) and I'm excited about that too. I'm excited about fall. I'm excited about possibilities.

Now, I'm finally feeling the freedom of being done University.

*sigh*

Life is SO hard.

:: Katy 10:24 a.m. [+] :: ::

island roadtrip = success. like i said before, i can never be really unhappy behind the wheel of a car. and even if i am, it's the best place to be. behind the wheel has always been my favourite thinking/brooding place. luckily, there was no brooding necessary on this particular trip. almost too bad, it was some pretty cool misty westcoast brooding weather.

it did rain the whole time, but we made the most of it anyway. the highlight for me was scoring a beachfront campsite in the best campground in town (which was supposed to be fully booked until september, but they had cancellations due to the rain), setting up camp, and then hopping into bikinis and running screaming into the ICE COLD pacific. the other vacationers walking up and down the beach in long pants and full raingear looked at us like we were crazy. some even asked us if we were crazy. good times. drunkenly learning to spin poi, homemade campfire sauna and running stark naked back into the ocean (with phosphoresence!) at 3:00am also rank pretty high up there.

anyway, now that i've gotten a little more vacation done, i'm ready to get down to business. i've got that heart-bursting-love feeling for this place and my friends, but it's time to move on before i get stifled here. so i shall be taking up residence in my kits sublet monday and looking for a job... though likely still a temporary one. still unsure about the fall... but happily so. for the time being, anyway.

:: Katy 2:55 a.m. [+] :: ::

current state of the union: happy, unemployed, sunkissed, about to take the wheel on an island road trip, relaxed.

gave myself permission to be a bum for a while, and to abandon the living-in-van-paying-off-loans plan that had been freaking me out so badly. now i'm not sure what i'll end up doing, but i've given myself the freedom to take my time and have fun and though my financial situation is a total mess i don't feel the need to cry every day so yay that.

still confused, but that's just inevitable right now so i'm not worrying too much about it. hoping to do something fun in the fall/winter, maybe working on boats, maybe another ski resort, maybe... who knows. any suggestions are welcome.

or who knows? maybe after a few more weeks of sun i'll decide that i really am ready to settle in van for a bit. probably not, but never say never. point is, i've given myself permission to follow my whims, and that's so exciting. thank bejesus i have such a wonderful, supportive, understanding family.

:: Katy 11:52 p.m. [+] :: ::

having a room again is a weird feeling. especially a room that's entirely mine. i haven't had that in half a year... it's going to take some getting used to.

it's kind of funny though... how when you don't have a space of your own you want it so badly... and when you finally get it, you sit in the middle of the floor and feel... lonely.

grass is always greener, i suppose. but it's going to be really nice to have my own bed for a change...

:: Katy 12:23 a.m. [+] :: ::

... so the more I think about it, the more I really want to get into fashion photography.

... could I pick a more impractical career goal?

:: Katy 10:38 a.m. [+] :: ::

Please see "apologies" post from June 20th.

:: Katy 10:23 a.m. [+] :: ::

And now for more adventures in self-tanning...

So before I went to bed that night I reconsidered and put the self-tanner back on. A nice, thin layer. Then I made a horrible executive decision. Just as I was about to wash my hands, the biggest, scariest, most unidentifiable bug flew into the bathroom and landed about four inches from the sink. Now... crawling bugs don't scare me. Spiders? Fine. But things that fly? With the potential to bite/sting? Okay, I'm a bit of a baby. But I definitely just ran into my bedroom, and attempted to "wash my hands" by pouring some drinking water on a towel.

Didn't work. Woke up with the most orange palms EVER. But with a pretty sweet little tan, though.

So after removing about, oh, 50% of it with nail polish remover, I just decided to call it quits. They're not so bad today. It makes me a little wary of how orange I might turn if I continue to use this stuff... but so far I think I'm alright. It seems to go less orange once I wash it off in the morning... so maybe it's just all that gold dust "glow" that's in the lotion? Who knows.

:: Katy 9:11 a.m. [+] :: ::

I bought some self-tanner today, for the first time, to try and get some sort of colour into my pale icelandic skin. Wow... all those years I spent painstakingly rolling about in the sun like a rotisserie chicken, trying to fix tan lines and deny the true splotchiness of my complexion, when I could have just massaged it right in! Anyway, I'm not gonna lie, I probably applied about three coats of that stuff. It was only once that third coat failed to dry that I started to wonder if I'd overdone it.

Of course, then I go online and read a bunch of online reviews, several of which mention that the brand I had purchased was a little on the orange side...

So I had a few second thoughts and ran a nice big bath. Dear God, was that water brown! The good news is that most of it came off. I'm not even sure if it was all that bad... but it's better safe than orange.

:: Katy 1:30 a.m. [+] :: ::

Something about Salt Spring is choking up these days... and not in a good way.

It's so great here right now... hot, hot days, perfect for a trip to the lake. Reminds me of so many awesome summer days from the past. I'm sitting here dying to go to the lake and realizing that I don't have anybody to go with. It makes me so sad and frustrated that I could just throw a little temper tantrum.

This island is so beautiful but so often being here makes me want to scream. Because I feel stuck... like I'm sitting, waiting for people to come, people to go... things to happen.

Yesterday I drove up and down Vancouver Island, and on the last leg of my trip, from Nanaimo to Crofton, I remembered how much I love summer road trips. Behind the wheel, four windows down, one arm hanging over the door, radio barely making itself heard over the wind. It seems like I don't need much of anything to make me happy on a road trip. I'm perfectly happy by myself, singing along to the radio, going from place to place, person to person. Rather than sitting and waiting I'm going. And unlike the bus or a plane, the car is in your control. Bored? Stop at that roadside attraction. Hot? Jump in that lake near the highway. Hungry? There goes a Tim Hortons. Oh, the memories I have associated with Tim Hortons...

And road trips make me nostalgic for all those great trips I took with friends... Tofino trips, Mt. Washington trips, Calgary trips... but those memories don't make me sad when I'm on the road, the way that summertime lake memories make me feel like screaming when I'm sitting in my house, hot and bored, on a friggin perfect June day.

:: Katy 1:15 p.m. [+] :: ::

There are a number of things I'm tired of lately. I'm tired of a lack of independence and privacy. I'm tired of being broke and unemployed. I'm tired of feeling like I need to apologise for who I am or the choices that I make.

I'm not saying this to whine. The lack of privacy will be gone soon and I will be missing the lack of freedom. The lack of employment and money will only last as long as my laziness does, and will be replaced with, again, the lack of freedom. Though hopefully the freedom of a steady income will somewhat make up for that...

In general, my feeling of "haves" does exceed my feeling of "lacks".

But those last two, about apologies, are the ones that are really bothering me. I don't mean this to sound like it's directed at anyone in particular. More than anything it's directed at myself, for caring too much about what others think. I also don't mean it to sound like I don't want to be held accountable for my actions. I do. But there comes a time when you can't continue to dislike yourself or punish yourself for mistakes. There also comes a time when you need to realize that some things aren't mistakes, and some people's feelings are out of your control. And that's okay too. You just need to let go.

So I guess I need to let go now. I've obsessed enough. I've learned some lessons. I'm through feeling bad.

I'm having a great fucking week. I don't want to sour it with negativity that's gone past its expiration date.

:: Katy 2:53 a.m. [+] :: ::

Not spending money is sort of fun. Hoarding pennies and waiting for them to add up. Today I walked from 30th and Fraser to Broadway (9th) and Main just to avoid paying 2.25 for the bus. I'm banking that 2.25, dammit!

On another note: new Dixie Chicks CD is seriously awesome. I'm not a very big country fan but... man. Really good.

:: Katy 11:31 p.m. [+] :: ::

I'm going through one of those "I don't have anything original to say" kind of phases, hence the lack of posts.

I'm looking for a job. I'm digging in the dirt on SSI. I'm travelling back and forth. I'm tired of travelling back and forth. I'm excited about the next few months. I'm scared about the next few months. I'm on a slippery slope of debt. I love Vancouver in the summertime. I'm trying to make it until September without a proper pair of shoes. I'm getting a little bit fat. I'm sort of wishing I took the easy way out. I'm appreciating the calm that comes with new insight about life and spirituality. I'm trying to figure out if I can make it from SSI to Vancouver without a bra because the only one I have with me broke and I don't really want to put it on and have it turn into an "oh my god this tiny sharp dagger of underwire is threatening my heart and lungs" situation, all for the sake of perky tits. I'm trying to decide if I should take my nose stud out for job interviews. I'm going through consumer withdrawal and dreaming of buying things like furniture and wine. I want a routine and a bedtime and a running route and a fridge with food of my choosing in it. I want to see more of my friends. I want to make new friends. I want to take over my loan payments. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm ready.

:: Katy 11:26 a.m. [+] :: ::

I might be broke for a while, and I might have to hit friends/family up for money, but I will get an awesome job.

Thank you for the pep talk, Erik.

:: Katy 12:40 a.m. [+] :: ::

I love flowers. I love digging in the dirt.

I have to figure out a way to have flower gardens everwhere I live.

I'm sad that the next time I settle in somewhere it will be autumn. But so it goes.

At least I can dig in the dirt on SSI for the summer.

Favourite flower of the week? Begonias. Peach coloured begonias.

:: Katy 3:12 a.m. [+] :: ::

Great minds think alike...

:: Katy 2:01 a.m. [+] :: ::

I (hate) Stephen Harper

Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. But seriously...

Commons to revisit same-sex vote
Last Updated Fri, 02 Jun 2006 18:59:40 EDT
CBC News

Members of Parliament will be asked this fall whether or not they wish to reopen the debate on same-sex marriage, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said Friday.

During the election campaign, Harper promised to hold a free vote in the House of Commons on whether Parliament should revisit the issue.

A specific date has not been set.

It hurts my brain. On the one hand, I'm upset and angry. On the other hand, I'm impressed that our Prime Minister is actually following through on a campaign promise.

The article goes on to say:

Although the motion will ask MPs to reopen discussion on same sex marriage, it will not directly challenge the exisiting legislation. It may, however, ask if parliamentarians wish to repeal the existing law or curtail it in some way.

... I'm confused. How is the House of Commons voting in favour of repealing the existing law NOT a direct challenge?

Oh, Canada.

:: Katy 3:23 a.m. [+] :: ::

My vacation is coming to a close - I hop on a plane in a few hours. Overall it's been interesting with moments of wonderful. More importantly, it's really helped me clarify my needs and values for the coming year. I have yet to make some specific, important decisions, but I've narrowed the field.

So I'll be off to SSI to do a little digging in the dirt, and back in Vancouver on Monday to start the dreaded job search. I've decided I'm looking for something relatively social or perhaps even "client" oriented, but I have no interest in service or sales. I'm thinking maybe reception? Maybe other office work. If I have to go back into customer service, I'm thinking it will be the bank.

Anyone know of any decent temp or employment agencies?

:: Katy 8:26 a.m. [+] :: ::

Went to the MoMA today and wow -- walking the fifth floor of that place is like walking through two years of Art History at UBC. Seriously... I nearly cried. But it's funny how viewing art in person changes (or clarifies?) your opinions about it. Some pieces I thought I liked were really underwhelming, whereas other pieces I've never cared about were completely breathtaking.

It's weird seeing all this famous stuff in person. I feel like I'm on a movie set. This place can't be real, can it?

:: Katy 8:02 p.m. [+] :: ::

Got to go see Amy Poehler and a spattering of other moderately famous people do improv the other night, and it was indeed some of the funniest improv I've seen in a while.

But, even better, I saw Stanley Tucci on the street and DAMN. I've never been so attracted to a 45 year old man. You would never guess it from his movies, but that man is HOT. Seriously.

:: Katy 6:34 a.m. [+] :: ::

saw a celebrity walking through greenwich village today... well, actually, kaitlin saw her, i only saw the back of her head... but, of all the rip-offs, it was only leelee sobieski, a celebrity i've already seen once looking drunk and pissed off outside a nightclub in vancouver. ah, well.

the weather was crazy today... from rainstorms to sunshine and soft breezes in the space of a few hours. it's lovely, really.

:: Katy 2:24 p.m. [+] :: ::

finally started receiving a bit of the money i am owed and it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders... although i'm still not sure exactly WHICH money has been paid, which is still owed, and all the rest of it. but I'm sure I'll figure it out once I get to BC...

had a terrible experience in the bank today... only wanted to know what the charge was for using the Plus system in the US and the woman went totally weird on me, essentially dodging the question, accusing me of being unreasonable for asking and then, after i had to re-word the question for the fifth time started semi-yelling at me being like "why are you so hyper? calm down, i try to help you" (through some thick eastern-european accent). maybe i was too distracted by her bouffant hairdo and gold lamé top to be clear. anyway, ended up getting another teller and a bit of american cash and REALLY regret not complaining about her to the front desk person. oh well.

off to america tomorrow... hope i don't get mugged. or stabbed. or cavity searched.

fun!

:: Katy 8:56 p.m. [+] :: ::

It's funny... I can't shake the feeling that while all cities are unique and interesting, at the root of it they're all pretty much the same. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean that they all feature pretty much the same things and, in that way, they're easy to make sense of and compare.

That said, Montreal is beautiful. Definitely the place to be if you like pretty old buildings. Went to the Notre Dame Basilica yesterday and nearly cried, it was that beautiful. Wish I could post pictures but, sadly, they're locked in my camera.

Preparing to take a 7 hour bus ride today -- not really all that excited about it. I almost shelled out the cash for the train (which would only have been 4.5 hours), but I'm so broke and it's like three times the price. Stupid "we only accept ISIC cards for the student rate"...

:: Katy 5:26 a.m. [+] :: ::

Blogging at your gate at the airport... who knew?

Just waiting to board my 9:05am flight to Montreal... hoping it will all be fun and games from here. I think there might be a high school group on my flight which doesn't have me toooo excited, but I'm in a good mood so bring it on.

I think it's funny that while I can log in to blogger and post this entry, I can't actually view my blog because this computer "deems the content unsuitable" for a public kiosk.

My journal isn't even racey! But I guess I do swear a fair amount...

Anyway, I'm off!

:: Katy 8:15 a.m. [+] :: ::

It's sort of funny how little I've travelled, and how that inexperience chooses to surface sometimes.

I decided tonight to pack up some of my laundry soap (natural, biodegradable) for convenience and also to avoid the evil Tide-monster whilst I'm away. I had it all portioned out into four little ziploc bags, and had all of them packed into another bigger ziploc bag, and was all ready to pat myself on the back for my efficiency before I thought:

"...this looks like I'm packing cocaine."

And now I can't stop worrying about potential security check nightmares.

Am I being stupid? I don't even know!

:: Katy 1:09 a.m. [+] :: ::

Taking stock of my financial situation is a very scary thing for me right now. If only there was a way to make a quick 500 bucks.

This trip is going to have to be a little more budget than I originally intended...


I really need:

1. my damage deposit
2. my tax return
3. BOTH of my last paycheques


... blah. Is it always so hard to get your hands on the money you are owed?

:: Katy 1:25 a.m. [+] :: ::

nothing like waiting for a heart-stopping email and finding a forward in your inbox.

gah.

:: Katy 11:07 p.m. [+] :: ::

the songs you missed...

3. "forgiveness" by goldfinger
6. "end of the road" by boyz II men
8. "fourth time around" by bob dylan
9. "tree" by rusted root
14. "free until they cut me down" by iron & wine
15. "locked out" by crowded house
21. "today" by joshua radin
23. "breathe (2a.m.)" by anna nalick
24. "zebra" by john butler trio
25. "get by" by talib kweli

:: Katy 11:05 a.m. [+] :: ::

A fun game I stole from Larissa...


Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Bold out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

---

1. yo, change the fucking channel / i burn a coma candle / when the flame fades / consider my flat line a soldier sample - "Battery" by Aesop Rock

2. the problem is all inside your head she said to me / the answer is easy if you take it logically - "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon

3. so you've decided to blame him again for all your choices / seemed like the softer way out

4. pack up / I'm straight / enough / oh, say say say / oh, say say say - "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

5. a telegram arrived today / it's time to catch the monterey / 'cause the man I wed, he waits for me - "bridal train" by the waifs

6. we belong together / and you know that i'm right / why do you play with my heart

7. I'm so tired of playing / playing with this bow and arrow / going to give my heart away - "Glory Box" by Portishead

8. when she said / "don't waste your words / they're just lies" / I cried she was deaf.

9. ever see the tree / ever feel yourself / wrapped around the wind / let go of your desire

10. I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes and / I certainly haven't been spreading myself around - "Extraordinary Machine" by Fiona Apple

11. I don’t know why you bother / nothing's ever good enough for you / by the way I was there / and it wasn't like that - "Punch Up at a Wedding" by Radiohead

12. like a fool I went and stayed too long / now I'm wondering if your love's still strong - "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours" by Stevie Wonder

13. there was a decorated general / with a heart of gold / that likened him to all the stories he told - "The General" by Dispatch

14. when the men take me to the devil tree / I will be free and shining like before / papa don't tell me what i should've done

15. I been locked out / I been locked in / but I always seem to come back again / when you're in that room / what do you do?

16. day after day I'm more confused / yet I look for the light through the pouring rain / you know that's a game that i hate to lose - "Drift Away" by Dobie Gray

17. I'm in Los Angeles today / it smells like an airport runway / jet fuel stenches in the cabin / and lights flickering at random - "Why You'd Want to Live Here" by Death Cab for Cutie

18. you say you want / diamonds and a ring of gold / you say you want / your story to remain untold - "All I Want is You" by U2

19. I'm so cool / too bad I'm a loser / I'm so smart / too bad I can't get anything figured out - "Falling For the First Time" by Barenaked Ladies

20. if I was a seagull / high n' aloof / I'd fly to your house / perch on your roof - "So it Goes" by Tom Waits

21. shoelaces untied / you can dry your eyes / our perfect shadows lie behind us / and this is the day I make you mine

22. I am the fountain of affection / I'm the instrument of joy / to keep the good times rolling - "When I'm Up" by Great Big Sea

23. 2a.m. and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake / can you help me unravel my latest mistake / I don't love him

24. I can be loud, man / I can be silent / I can be young, man / I can be old / I can be a gentleman / I can be violent

25. we sell to crack to our own / out the back of our homes / we smell the musk at the dusk / in the crack of the dawn

26. if I listen long enough to you / I'll find a way to believe that it's all true / knowing that you lied / straight-faced while i cried - "Reason to Believe" by Rod Stewart

27. dirty old river / must you keep rolling / flowing into the night / people so busy / make me feel dizzy / taxi light shines so bright - "waterloo sunset" by eliott smith (originally by the kinks -- answer sent in by andrew via msn)

28. help, I have done it again / I have been here many times before / hurt myself again today / and the worst part is there's no one else to blame - "Breathe Me" by Sia

29. 14th street / and the garbage swirls like a cyclone / 3 o'clock in the afternoon / and I am going home - "Cradle and All" by Ani Difranco

30. I brought a toothbrush / some toothpaste / a flannel for my face / pajamas / a hairbrush / new shoes and a case - "Tempted" by Squeeze

---

have fun!

:: Katy 12:05 p.m. [+] :: ::

I AM FREE.

goodbye, UBC.

:: Katy 1:54 a.m. [+] :: ::

So I'm starting to realize that if I don't try to at least partially organize an itinerary while I'm on m trip, I'll never see all the things I want to, and I'll do a whole lot of stuff I don't really care about. So, we all know what this means... list time!

Who else loves making lists?

In any case, the best thing ever is tips from those who have gone before you, so... if you've ever been to Toronto, Montreal, or New York, please comment and tell me what I shouldn't miss.

!

:: Katy 8:48 a.m. [+] :: ::

to counteract the whine-y-ness of the last few posts... here's a "katy's new favourite things" post...

1. tea tree oil baths. add 1/2 tsp 100% pure tea tree oil to a clear, warm bath. i'm still... i'm not sure what the word is. it's not quite strong enough to call tingling, but man does it feel good.

2. frozen blueberries. on their own, or even better, in plain yogurt. for extra fun, don't defrost them first... they'll freeze all the liquid surrounding them... instant frozen yogurt!

3. snowstorms in april. go whistler go.

4. pure, unsweetened cranberry juice -- very diluted. it's tart, but not sour... so tart, in fact, that the aftertaste is sweet, somehow... it's like a reaction on your tongue.

5. dogs. i want a dog.

6. ron burgundy. "don't act like you're not impressed!"

7. products that are organic/made in canada/not tested on animals/all natural/biodegradable/hypoallergenic/etc. whistler, perhaps not so surprisingly, is a gold mine for it. there is enough of a selection that you can pick through the shitty products that don't work, and find the wonderful stuff that does. makes you feel like a responsible consumer and a decent human being. (can you tell i'm on a kick right now? and i like it.)

8. fireplaces in your bedroom. i mean, seriously.

9. virginia woolf. i finally read a book of hers that i really, thoroughly enjoyed: to the lighthouse. it was only about a hundred billion times better than orlando.

10. good friends. fuck yeah, i have some seriously awesome friends. and family. how blessed am i?

:: Katy 12:23 a.m. [+] :: ::

I think I'm going to have to try going off sugar again.

I know I have to do it, but the idea is just so... I don't know.

Over my 22 years of observing people, it seems to me that everyone has at least one thing they're almost incapable of saying "no" to. Drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, shopping, smoking... and sugar is definitely mine. So how do I commit to slowly eliminating it from my diet?

I guess the key word there is "slowly"... so, rather than going cold-turkey this time, what should I do? One day on, one day off... eventually becoming one day on, two days off... and so forth? Or is there a better way?

*sigh*

Determination, commitment, and follow-through are definitely the character traits I wish I had more of. But I suppose the trick is to stop wishing and start doing. Maybe that's the process of becoming adult and becoming a good person... learning to execute and maintain the behaviours and lifestyle that you value. Striving to walk the walk as well as talking the talk. Do as I do, rather than do as I say. All of that.

:: Katy 1:55 p.m. [+] :: ::

Talking to Americans...

Obviously, we get a lot of American tourists here in Whistler. While they make me the angriest, they are also the funniest (in retrospect).

"do you accept dollars?"
"... excuse me?"
"you know, American money?"
(this has happened more than once. they don't seem to realize that they're not the only country in the world that uses dollars)

"can you just find the right amount... I don't know what all this change means"
(they also don't seem to realize that all of our change, short of the loonie and toonie, is exactly the same)

*pays with American cash, without asking if we accept it first* "there you go."
*gives Canadian change*
"Oh, I don't want Canadian change. Give me American."
(I love when people assume that we take American, but I love it even more when they assume we keep enough of it in-store to give it back to them. No, I can't give you American change, because you're not IN America. I have to give you Canadian change, because you're IN CANADA.)

"how can you not take American Express? it's accepted more internationally than Visa, you know"
(sure, I believe you. American express must be accepted more because America is obviously the centre of the universe.)

"do you sell coffee/cappuccino/americano?"
(nope, terribly sorry. no coffee here.)

"I'm having a double-tall-nonfat-decaf-sugarfree-vanilla-latte-extra-hot-no-foam"
(oh you are, are you? I'll just leave you to it then. You obviously don't need me to get it for you, or you would have asked politely. Not to mention "tall" isn't even a size we serve.)

(sidenote: my favourite thing about the "double tall" is that, when clarifying, there is absolutely no consistency in what size the customer actually wants. i always ask "do you mean big tall or small tall?" and one person will say, "the smallest, of course" right after the man before says "the largest you've got".)

*interrupts* "... decaf soy caramel macchiato..."
*talks on cell phone* "I can't believe they don't have a Bank of America here..."
(the ones who come up and shout their order at you, without using "please", "thank you", "may I have", or any other polite words, are always my favourite. I'll just let you finish that call before I serve you that drink that isn't even on our menu. Oh, and of course we don't have a Bank of America... we're not IN America.)

*looks at menu board, which features "regular", "large", and "extra-large" for about three minutes* "...I'll have two small coffees".
*serve regular size coffees, our smallest size* "... oh, are those small? I thought that was regular."
(Well yes, it is regular, our smallest size on the menu board you just spent close to five minutes reading. Why would you assume we have another, smaller size that we're not advertising? Just because you want it does not mean it will magically appear)

The non-dialogue related one I love is how people will count out their change for me, look straight at me, and then dump it all on the counter instead of placing it in my hand. Then I have to pick it up, coin by coin, before I can put it in the till (which is much more time consuming than it sounds, especially when you have ten people waiting in line). I'm always tempted, when there is change, to look them in the eye and then dump it on the counter, but I've never had the guts to do it. Funny thing is, the counter-dumpers are always the ones who have their hands held out and ready for their change...

and my running favourite of the week...

"I'll have a decaf cappuccino"
... "here you go, decaf cappuccino"
"oh, is that nonfat?"
... "well, no, you didn't ask for nonfat. it is partially skimmed, however"
... *eyes drink suspiciously* "well, okay..."
... "would you like me to make you another one, ma'am?"
... "no, this will be okay, but for next time..." *looks at me disapprovingly*
(I agree, this situation is obviously my fault. I'll remember to work on my telepathy so that next time I'll know you want skim milk even though you didn't bother to ask for it.)

I think I need to get out of customer service...

:: Katy 7:36 a.m. [+] :: ::

i had resigned myself to not getting my fancy new snowboard, 'cause the season's almost over and i'm poor...

but then showcase goes and puts all 2005-2006 hardgoods on sale for 50% off and... well, what's a girl to do?

snazzy new snowboard to ride tomorrow... fun!!

:: Katy 12:20 a.m. [+] :: ::

Ugh.

I had The War of the Wasted Dairy Products and Socially Irresponsibly Coffee with my boss today, and much as I genuinely do like the woman sometimes, she proved herself to be a royally brainwashed corporate robot. Or, perhaps just ignorant. I'm betting on an "exclusive blend" of both.

I won't go into the details a la my previous post, but just sum it up by saying that according to her: it doesn't matter what foodsafe says, we must obey the bible of "corporate standards"; fair trade is just a meaningless trademark that's not worth having; and growing coffee organically doesn't matter because she "can't taste the difference anyway."

!!!

*sigh*

:: Katy 4:03 p.m. [+] :: ::

bad choices are biting me in the butt right now.

i hate playing the waiting game... waiting for things to return to normal.

*sigh*

:: Katy 11:40 p.m. [+] :: ::

I made my last rent payment yesterday. While I may only have fourteen dollars in the bank, it's nice to know that from now on the money I make is MINE MINE MINE. And, further, that I will be getting my damage deposit back at the end of the month. I'm in the home stretch...

And while I know that my credit card is going to get a super-workout while I'm in New York, I really don't care... because how often are you and one of your bestest friends in New York?

The thing is, recently, I've realized that I really want to work when I get home. You all know me, I'm a bit lazy and a bit distracted, not to mention a bit idealistic. I want a job I believe in, that pays well, that's fun and not boring, etc etc etc... and usually I just wish I was free to watch movies and sit on beaches and generally be irresponsible. But lately, the thought of just working and saving away some cash is very appealing. I suppose a good attitude is everything. Let's hope it sticks around for more than a few hours this time....

:: Katy 12:26 p.m. [+] :: ::

Man, working at this coffee shop is really starting to reawaken my inner uber-liberal-environmentalist-whateverthefuck.

I have never felt so strongly at a job like I am catering to people's wastefulness and greed.

Now, I'm sure my mother could click on "comments" and write a novel about my own wastefulness. There are a few charming anecdotes from my adolecence, including the "phase" I went through (not sure how many years it lasted) where I kept trying to throw perfectly good and useful belongings in the garbage just because I wanted them gone. Clothing, toys, you name it... I threw it out.

I remember distinctly doing this, and I remember why I did it. Because, before the wonderful day I learned how to drive, I "knew" (read: felt) that if I put this stuff in a box marked "thrift shop" that box would never get taken there, but just sit there gathering dust, and eventually reincorporate itself back into our household. My parents, bless them, are definitely pack rats. So I always figured, it's hard enough to get this cleaned up with all this extra stuff lying around. Let's get it gone, gone! And, being cut of the Veruca Salt cloth (I want it [clean] NOW!), my solution was to just chuck it all out.

Luckily, I soon grew up enough to realize that throwing out useful things is bad... reduce/reuse/recycle and all that jazz. And, I soon grew up enough to get a driver's licence and take my stuff down to the thrift store myself. I still have my bouts of wastefulness, I won't deny it. But you can ask my old roommates: I do root through my garbage to make sure nobody's thrown out recyclables. I do make big box donations to the Salvation Army. I do use a travel mug (when I remember it) instead of paper cups.

So what does this have to do with my coffee shop?

My coffee shop has a big list of rules they like to call "standards". For example, it is "company standard" that coffee shall not be served if it drops below 165 degrees. When brewed, our coffee is 185 degrees. Now, according to these company standards, coffee must be thrown out after one hour because it cannot be guaranteed above 165 degrees after that time.

Now, first of all, none of our coffee is fair trade, but I'm not even going to delve into that one today. So just think about this. It is also "company standard" to have at least five coffees on brew at all times. Decaf, medium, dark, flavour and house blend. These each must be rebrewed once an hour, and the old pot thrown out. This means that, if nobody's buying drop coffee, we're brewing and chucking, oh, about 15 litres of coffee ever hour.

The thought of that makes me sick. Especially thinking of all the workers who are likely NOT being paid a fair wage, despite our training video that claims we're so good as to give them medical benefits. If we're so fair, why don't we get certified by an objective third party? The fact that we haven't makes me a little suspicious. So, thinking of those workers, out there picking those stupid coffee beans by hand in tropical heat... and we're just brewing it and chucking it because it doesn't meet some stupid "standard" designed to satisfy demanding, greedy consumers. And, let me add, that I have been witness to the pouring of two hour old coffee, and it's still STEAMING, piping hot. These are industrial caraffes we're using.

Of course, the same goes for the cream on our condiment stands. And yes, I realize that it's a bit worse of a situation if dairy has been sitting around for too long. But, it's not like you wouldn't notice if your cream was a bit off, and it's not like the 1/2 ounce you're putting in your coffee is going to make you sick. Besides, you cannot convince me that fresh cream, put in the thick thermos containers that we put it in, is going to go off after four hours on the condiment stand.

Oh, but this one gets better.

When I first started, we had cream, homogenized milk, and skim milk on the condiment stands. Now we've gone corporate and "company standards" dictate that we must also have 2% milk on the stands. Now, first of all, who the fuck is so lazy that if they REALLY want 2% they can't just mix homogenized and skim together? And second of all, that's one more jug of milk on the stand, meaning the other two get used even less, meaning that they're all relatively full when the four hours are up. Now, bear in mind that we have two condiment stands. So, if nobody's using the cream and milk, then every four hours we're pouring up to eight litres of dairy down the drain.

So yeah, yeah. I get that is probably all "foodsafe" and whatnot. But just because it might be foodsafe to chuck the milk after four hours (is it? does anyone reading this have foodsafe), that doesn't mean we can't offset that waste by putting less milk out on the stands. Or, god forbid, only have one condiment stand. And I'm fairly certain that if there is a foodsafe temperature on brewed coffee, it isn't 165 degrees -- and as I've already stated, I think it takes way more than an hour to drop to that level anyway.

Seriously. Even the reformed "throw out everything she doesn't want in her bedroom and hope her mother doesn't root through the garbage" girl realizes how disgusting and wasteful this is.

And I'm not even going to get into the "company standard" of putting a java jacket on every cup (which I refuse to participate in, and have refused to let my boss implement), or the american tourists who refuse the java jacket and insist on "double cupping" (which uses twice as much paper), or the number of drinks I've been forced to throw out because "oh, sorry, i wanted nonfat. i can't possibly drink 2%" (which, by the way, is not really the problem when your drink is a mocca with whipped cream on top -- a small mocca including almost 2 oz of chocolate syrup, and whipped cream having a fat content above 30%).

Gah.

I really do like my job, in many ways. I like making coffees, I like that there's always something to do. It appeals to my anal retentive side, oddly enough. Always something to clean up and make perfect. But I'm glad I'm leaving in a month, because participating in the nonsensical waste and greed is becoming a little too much for me. And I'm not going to lie, I totally re-label the coffees so that we keep them around for two hours instead of one. And I'm not going to apologise for that, either.

:: Katy 10:22 a.m. [+] :: ::

I really can't wait to move on to the summer... sometimes I feel anxious, as if life can't move fast enough for me... like I'm perpetually the child tugging on the mother's arm as she's chatting with a friend outside the grocery store. C'mon, life, let's go!

It's been nice to be away from Whistler and the coffee shop for a few days... so nice that I'm finally excited to go back, though. I want to get my butt up the ski hill again, and I want to earn a bit of money. I just can't believe how poor I am!

Pretty soon I'll be forced to live within my means. What a boring day that will be.

:: Katy 12:15 a.m. [+] :: ::

new photos on shutterfly (see link on the right)....

i'm looking for a better place to host my photos (one where they will be larger, specifically), but everything either has a fee or requires membership to view photos or some other lame aspect to it. i guess perfection for free doesn't really exist...

:: Katy 3:13 p.m. [+] :: ::

I just realized another advantage to the "grad in November" plan... I'll actually get to take grad photos. And, not only that, but I'll have time to take them and actually have them appear on the wall in the English department (a deadline that I missed for the May graduation). Good times.

That is, if I ever get this class finished....

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Vancouver, working on an essay. It's sort of deja-vu-ish.

:: Katy 5:12 p.m. [+] :: ::

So I've finally decided on my summer plans -- I'm going back to Vancouver.

It's all been rather serendipitous and now that I've decided I'm ridiculously excited. All that time I thought I needed to move away from Vancouver, but I think what I really needed was to get out of the city for a while and get away from UBC. A break. There will always be things I hate about the city (see previous posts about why I thought I couldn't live there again) but overall I love the place. I'm a Vancouver girl at heart.

I have also decided on a solution to my grad/New York trip issue... I'm simply going to grad in November. I've waited this long for my degree, another 6 months won't kill me. It's not like I'm planning on using it anyway, and the up-side is that the ceremony will be a hell of a lot shorter.

I'm feeling... peaceful. And excited. It's a strange combination.

:: Katy 12:11 p.m. [+] :: ::

hehe.

i'm getting seriously chubby.

you'd think the opposite would be the case, living in a ski-town

but i only get to ski 2-4 days a week, and i work full-time in a coffee shop.

anyone knowing my penchant for sugar would see why this could become a problem.

i hope the next month passes and i get out of there before i'm forced to buy new pants.

:: Katy 2:27 p.m. [+] :: ::

hm.

i just figured out that i'm going to miss my grad ceremony.

BA - English - May 24th, 1:30pm

I'll be in New York.

I'm a lot more upset about this than I thought I would be.

Fuck.

:: Katy 10:50 a.m. [+] :: ::

and, just like that, i'm done.

i sort of hate how i do this. i get distracted, come up with a new idea, and *poof*, i'm just counting down the days until what i'm doing is over. it's a bit lame actually... i don't savour things to the last bite, i get annoyed with them far too early.

i'm tired of almost everything whistler... sad but true.

i took a little trip to salt spring and victoria and quickly decided that i don't want to live in either place. i realized that my top two job prospects are both in vancouver, and further, that i'm actually sort of excited to go back there. what can i say, vancouver's my city. i thought i was done, but maybe i just needed a break. in any case, i have some hot ideas for jobs and some subletting opportunities in my future. we'll see how well that pans out...

blah. i want to give my two weeks notice now. pesky money.

:: Katy 9:54 a.m. [+] :: ::

It's been clear the past few days... which means no fresh snow but beautiful photo opportunities...

:: Katy 2:23 a.m. [+] :: ::

Finally went and saw Brokeback Mountain last night.

I am still sad.

What a depressing, heartbreaking film.

*sigh*

:: Katy 9:28 a.m. [+] :: ::

something i had not yet considered... au pair?

:: Katy 9:21 a.m. [+] :: ::

A number of my recent posts have vaguely danced around the issue at hand: what will I do with myself once the season is over?

When I first planned this little trip, it was supposed to be a short-term reward for my five years of toiling at UBC. The plan was always to move back in with the parents come spring, to try and pay off some of my loan and save some money.

Ever since I've been living here, however, I've sort of forgotten that this was a "reward"... probably because it's been just as much, if not more, work as it has been fun. I began to think, why not stay for the summer?

But the thing is... if I stay for the summer... then I know I'll stay for the winter. Or even if I don't, and I decide to go home to save money later, then I'll be moving to Salt Spring in the winter, which is the worst time to go. Regardless, the thing is, I don't want to be in Whistler long term. It's expensive, and more importantly, it's old hat. I've been here, I've done this, and I'd like to do something else. Life is short.

My immediate goals are travel and photography school. To do both I'll need money... a lot of money. So if I'm not going to move home, then I need to move somewhere totally different in order to satisfy my itchy feet. So where do I go?

Thus, I am at a crossroads. Do I stick around Whistler, find a better job, and try to save money here? Or do I move home, commit to a bit of a stagnant social life and boredom, and save about 800 bucks a month in expenses? Or do I try to explore some sort of overseas work/travel arrangement? Or do I just move to a town with a lower cost of living, and just get a job and live my life?

You can see why I'm a bit confused. I suppose this is the first time in my life that I've had so many options. I'm indecisive at the best of times. Blah.

I have a feeling it'll come down to here or Salt Spring... here because doing nothing is easier than making a decision, or Salt Spring because it's probably the smartest.

Remember that post I made about long-term vs. short-term happiness?

hm.

:: Katy 10:41 p.m. [+] :: ::

Ironically, this act, designed to stop death inside women, makes me die a little inside.

*sigh*

Another step back toward the dark ages.

:: Katy 11:39 a.m. [+] :: ::

allowed myself some sugar today... I drank a hot chocolate at work and ate a piece of blueberry bread... and I didn't even really enjoy it.

I love the old reliable "once you stop eating it, it stops tasting good" thing.

not to say I hated it... but it didn't appeal in quite the same way.

my friend tells me it takes 21 days to break a habit. I made it through 11 days. I wonder how many I can make it through this time?

I think I'm going to stop counting though... seems dumb to count a lifestyle change as if it has an end-date in sight.

:: Katy 12:31 a.m. [+] :: ::

so i have one month to try and decide what i want to do with myself.

time for ye olde list of pros and cons, methinks.

anyone ever tried life coaching?

:: Katy 1:58 p.m. [+] :: ::

Sometimes it amazes me how quickly my thoughts about the future change. I'm very spontaneous but at the same time I also like to plan -- the result of this being that I'm always making and changing plans before I even get to follow through with them. all it seems to take is a roll over in bed, a sneeze, a change in the weather and *poof* my ideas of what will make me happy are completely different. sometimes the itchy feet need a rest, but apparently not these days. they've spent too long rooted in vancouver, they need the air, they need a scratch.

i am a leaf waiting for the wind to pick up...

:: Katy 12:35 p.m. [+] :: ::

definitely coming down with something despite my best efforts to stay healthy. i feel like death but luckily my days off start tomorrow.

we've had a little shuffle and i'm losing my roommate to her own room down the hall, and a new roommate moving in on the first. hopefully she'll work out. the up-side of this is that i get to move my bed into the corner by the windows. rock.

i'm feeling so much better about work ever since i told my boss i can't do five days a week anymore. part-time is always more fun.

was forced to cheat on the sugar thing a little bit at work today (for product taste-testing purposes) but, as i'm considering this a lifestyle change and not a short-term diet, i've decided not to count it. it was probably only the equivalent of half a cookie, anyway. so, that makes eight successful days without sugar.

blah. sick and tired. but happy.

:: Katy 1:00 a.m. [+] :: ::

things are looking up.

the snow is falling -- and i mean falling -- and i've reduced my hours at the coffee shop and picked up some more work-from-home and gotten into my homework and... and..

well, let's just say my outlook is better. i'm now in day 7 of no refined sugar and i'm feeling more even... perhaps my body is starting to figure it out.

:: Katy 5:18 p.m. [+] :: ::

I have successfully made it to the morning of Day 5 of not eating sugar.

This decision was made in response to some persistent health problems, as well as the realization that I eat about five times more sugar than is reasonably healthy and am on track to becoming a full-blown diabetic.

In any case, I'm feeling good about it so far, except that I'm feeling terrible, because I'm pretty sure the change in my blood sugar is at least partially responsible for the horrible, horrible mood I've been in for the past few days.

Blah.

All I want to do is chill out and have fun, but work just keeps getting more stressful and I just keep getting more tired. Tack on the fact that I've lost all hope of seeing my last paycheque from my last boss (at least for the next few months), I'm bordering on broke, and I seem unable to find the time to do my homework... well, it's annoying.

Hopefully my mood will perk up soon...

:: Katy 9:56 a.m. [+] :: ::

is maturity the point when you start making decisions that are hard in the short term but will make you happy in the long term, as opposed to decisions that feel good in the short term but have either no effect or a negative effect in the long term?

if the answer is yes then i'm so far away from being mature it's scary.

:: Katy 2:10 a.m. [+] :: ::

finally, finally, i have set up wireless internet in my house.

rock.

on the money front... i've decided to refrain from buying stuff, after the realization of exactly how little money i'm earning right now.

on the up side, i did finally purchase my plane ticket to new york. money far better spent, methinks.

:: Katy 10:59 p.m. [+] :: ::

Wowza.

I came to the realization today that I don't want to live in a big city again.

I totally lost my shit to a homeless guy trying to sell me a bus transfer. I just raised my voice and said "take this thing away from me, i don't want it, take it, take it, take it!"

It was a little empowering, but also a little scary because I felt so out of control.

I used to think the city was cool, because you could walk around and not run into anyone you know. But I realized today that you still have to talk to people no matter where you go. The difference is that in a small town it's "hi, how are you?" and in a big city it's "spare some change? buy this bus transfer? buy my street newspaper? give me things?" In other words, things you have to say no to and feel guilty about. It's exhausting.

Blah.

:: Katy 10:01 p.m. [+] :: ::

I've come down to Vancouver for my days off and I'm so happy. I'm sitting in lovely Liz's house whilst she is at work, enjoying her wireless connection and planning out my adventures for the day.

I've been thinking a lot about the wisest ways to spend my money, seeing as I no longer have access to the seemingly never ending student loan. The want-monster is growing bigger and bigger inside of me right now. Some of my wants are short-term, and therefore less important but more immediate. Some are long-term, and therefore more important but easier to postpone. Some are just to do with convenience, and I can't decide either way.

I need new snowboard gear. Badly. But it seems a waste to buy a new board and boots when the season will be over in two or three months. But I really, really need some new stuff.

I want a new camera. Badly. I want to really start getting into photography, self-teaching as much as I can until I can finally afford to go to school. But on some level it seems a waste, espcially because I'll probably just want another camera by the time I get into school anyway. But I worry that if I keep putting it off I'll put it off forever, and when I stare out the bus window all I can think about is photos.

Finally, I want a car. Badly. I wrestle with this issue a lot due to A) cost and B) my feelings about petroleum usage and pollution. But it would make my life so much easier, it's just silly. The monthly cost doesn't bother me so much as the initial cost of the vehicle, and the whole scary idea that the car might just break and require another huge financial investment not too far down the road.

Of course, as I have learned before in times of want-monster-attack, the best course of action is often inaction. If I just don't buy any of these things, I will realize that I don't really need them. But it's still a tricky thing.

On another note... I'm putting the finishing touches on a big trip to Toronto-Montreal-New York, and I"m SO EXCITED. I love travelling so much it's silly.

:: Katy 10:09 a.m. [+] :: ::

I was browsing cbc.ca today and came across another sigh-worthy story about George W. Bush claiming to have "won" the war on terror. It turned out to be worth the browse, as it revealed another George W. moment of stupidity...

"U.S. President George W. Bush says there was a plot to hijack an airliner and fly it into a Los Angeles skyscraper as a sequel to the 2001 attacks on New York and Washington.

The plotters planned to use "shoe bombs" to break into the cockpit, Bush said in a speech in Washington on Thursday.

Bush portrayed the United States and its allies as winning what he calls the war on terror. He spoke of a succession of al-Qaeda figures killed or captured, and said a number of plots were thwarted.

The Los Angeles plot was aimed at the tallest building on the West Coast, he said.

He called it the Liberty Tower, but apparently meant the Library Tower, a 73-storey office building facing the Los Angeles Central Library. The building was renamed US Bank Tower in 2003."

Ah, Georgie.

:: Katy 9:34 a.m. [+] :: ::

Adjusting to a change of management is hard, even if you've only worked at a business a month before the change took place. It's especially hard when it goes from being a chill franchise to a corporate owned, corporate red-tape-riddled establishment. I'm a great employee, and I'm pretty eager to please, but I will not "up-sell" and I will not "cross-sell". I might ask, "is that all for you today?" but you will never catch me asking "would you like a biscotti to go with that mocca?"

Blah.

Anyway, things are good other than that. I've moved into my house and having a bed, even if I don't have too much time to sleep in it, is the best thing ever. Nothing like not having a bed to call your own for five weeks to make you appreciate it.

The weather is still amazing... had the snowiest January in history, with over 15 feet of snow falling. What a good year to do this...

:: Katy 5:13 p.m. [+] :: ::

new pictures posted to my shutterfly (there's a link to the right...)

i'd post them here directly but it's too much work right now...

:)

:: Katy 2:05 p.m. [+] :: ::

Katy's Sofa-Surfing Rules of Thumb:

1. Always make sure your surfing has been approved by all roommates.
   
2. Decide the length of your surf before you stay, if possible.
   
3. Discuss any costs your surfing may incur and agree to pay them. Otherwise, be kind and offer some money for hydro.
   
4. Keep your things in your bags and out of the way. Make or put away your "bed" as appropriate.
   
5. Bring earplugs.
   
6. Don't hang out all the time... people tire of not being able to relax on their own sofa. Find a book and a coffee shop. Work extra hours. Hang out with other friends.
   
7. At the same time, don't avoid being there altogether. That makes it seem like you're only using them for their sofa.
   
8. Cooking dinner for the household never hurts.
   
9. Neither does doing dishes.
   
10. Be considerate with your usage of amenities and energy. Don't hog the TV. Don't leave lights on.
    
11. If possible, avoid eating household food.
    

This list of guidelines has been carefully tested by yours truly over the past month, and is guaranteed to make your sofa surfing experience a more pleasant one.

Soon I will have a home... soon I will have a home...

:: Katy 11:50 p.m. [+] :: ::

it's difficult to keep this journal up to date when i work 50 hour weeks and don't have an internet connection...

things are good with me. i'm still staying with a kind friend and waiting to move into my new home (yes, i found a home. yay!). by february things should be settled.

i'm getting fat and happy trying all the things at my coffee shop (something i hope will only last for educational purposes, and not become a habit...) and going up the mountain not quite as much as i want. that should change in the near future, though.

i need to start remembering to take and post pictures. it's a freakin' winter wonderland up here.

:: Katy 12:58 p.m. [+] :: ::

katy grows weary of the hostel life...

the housing situation is slowly growing more promising... veeerry slowly. going to stay with a new friend this week, should be interesting, we'll see how that goes. nice to get away from the noisy kids who for some reason packed mothballs in their suitcases (stinky!).

some dude i know got offered a house on the street the other day. i think perhaps i'm reaping some bad karma. either that or it's just a nice utilitarian "katy gets put to the bottom of the list because she has a decent support system" kind of thing... blah. i want a bedroom.

:: Katy 12:17 a.m. [+] :: ::

just got back my last grade from last term... and while it wasn't amazing, it was enough to drag my overall average up to 71.5!

now, that's not a great average, but if you consider how many classes i've failed/nearly failed/done badly in, i'm pretty stoked. all that hard work in the last year or two seems to have had some sort of tangible result...

woot.

:: Katy 8:32 p.m. [+] :: ::

Things are good with me.

Whistler is the nicest place, even if it is nice in a gross-overplanned-rich-yuppie kind of way. It's just beautiful and there are so many people just looking to make friends and have a good time.

I'm moving out of the hostel for the weekend to avoid the influx of the UBC Skate and Party club (yes, this club does indeed exist). However, I have started my job there, and I'm ridiculously excited about it. It pays well, it's super chill and social, and it's really helping me out whilst I am homeless. I get to store my extra stuff there and stay for pretty cheap... the people are amazingly nice and yeah. If only the kitchen didn't close at 10:00pm it would be perfect.

Good times.

I miss everyone, but I've been too busy to be at all lonely. Plus, it occurred to me the other day how many people I know up here. I swear I have more people to hang out with on a daily basis than I did in Vancouver! Weird.

:: Katy 2:37 p.m. [+] :: ::

i'm such a charmer.

yesterday the woman who runs the hostel i'm staying in offered me a job!

nice.

and i totally charmed the mean bitch at work who hates everyone and whom everyone hates.

hehe.

charmy charm charm.

this transient business is entertaining as hell, even if it does make me want to yell/cry sometimes.

:: Katy 8:23 p.m. [+] :: ::

i have moved into a hostel and i feel a hell of a lot better. life is so much simpler when you don't feel like you owe people things. plus, it's nice to have a space that's yours -- even if it is just a top bunk in a dorm room...

:: Katy 3:09 p.m. [+] :: ::