There are a number of things I'm tired of lately. I'm tired of a lack of independence and privacy. I'm tired of being broke and unemployed. I'm tired of feeling like I need to apologise for who I am or the choices that I make.
I'm not saying this to whine. The lack of privacy will be gone soon and I will be missing the lack of freedom. The lack of employment and money will only last as long as my laziness does, and will be replaced with, again, the lack of freedom. Though hopefully the freedom of a steady income will somewhat make up for that...
In general, my feeling of "haves" does exceed my feeling of "lacks".
But those last two, about apologies, are the ones that are really bothering me. I don't mean this to sound like it's directed at anyone in particular. More than anything it's directed at myself, for caring too much about what others think. I also don't mean it to sound like I don't want to be held accountable for my actions. I do. But there comes a time when you can't continue to dislike yourself or punish yourself for mistakes. There also comes a time when you need to realize that some things aren't mistakes, and some people's feelings are out of your control. And that's okay too. You just need to let go.
So I guess I need to let go now. I've obsessed enough. I've learned some lessons. I'm through feeling bad.
I'm having a great fucking week. I don't want to sour it with negativity that's gone past its expiration date.