:: Saturday, July 30, 2005 ::

When it rains, it pours.

I've encountered a strange amount of people recently who seem to... well, not like me. That's a very vague and inaccurate way to describe a lot of weird experiences recently, but yeah, that's the gist of it. It came to a head tonight when some random guy at Calhouns felt the need to blabber nonstop to me about how most people don't understand the truth of art because they only understand the vernacular or "slave" language because they are actually "homeborn slaves" only nowadays they blend in with the general population (and I was pointed out to be one of these people) while he was on some higher artistic level and therefore better than them (me). Or something. There were also imitations of me involved and generally mean comments suggesting my stupidity, although when I asked him point blank "are you insulting me?" he seemed to dodge the question.

I'm proud of myself for essentially telling him he was full of shit and to stop bothering me. I'm usually a pretty big doormat so I'm glad I said something. But I sort of wish it'd been simply "fuck off," or something equally direct. Baby steps, baby steps...

It's weird to be reduced to your most superficial form. This dude took one look at me and obviously held me in some sort of contempt for being a middle-class blonde female university student, and treated me accordingly. What was most odd, however, was that it wasn't really directly 'mean'... it was more like he was enjoying it, having a ball trying to confuse me and make me look stupid.

I'm growing weary this week of being judged for my most superficial qualities. I'm sorry if you don't like the UBC population because you think we're high on ourselves. I'm sorry if you don't like me because I seem to have a bit of money. I'm sorry if you don't like me because you find me annoying. I'm sorry if you don't dig that I talk too much, or too fast, or because of any other number of things that have very little to do with who I am. So what if I talk too much, or too fast? Are you listening to what I'm saying? And, have you failed to notice that I'll listen to you too? Is my overbearing enthusiasm really more annoying than apathy?

That's fine. Don't like me. But I am a great person with a kind heart and I care about everyone around me so much that it makes me cry with sadness or happiness or worry or compassion or whatever emotion is relevant at the time and at least I'm always working to make myself a better person and that includes taking your criticism to heart but, to sum up, I'M WONDERFUL AND IF YOU KNOW ME YOU'RE LUCKY AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND FUCK OFF. I'm tired of being a doormat.


~song~ Squeeze - Tempted

:: Katy 10:02 p.m. [+] :: ::