:: Saturday, May 07, 2005 ::

I've felt, for a while now, that a state-of-the-union sort of post is needed, but I've hit a brick wall. Not a writer's block sort of wall, but an ethical sort of wall.

See, I've always maintained a fairly strict "only me" policy with this thing: I will generally only write about things that concern me and me alone. I figured it was respectful and less complicated.

This becomes more complicated to maintain when you're no longer single.

Because when you're single, even when you get entangled or slightly attached, as long as you're single you have nobody to consider but yourself. Pepper your comments with a little tact and mystery and there's nothing to concern you. But when there's someone else invested, blurting your every emotion over the internet seems a little... inappropriately revealing.

And even in life, with people you trust, there are certain things you just need to keep quiet, because it's no good blabbing every dissatisfying thing to anyone who will listen. Sooner or later everyone you care about will determine that the person you're blabbing about is the biggest twat and completely wrong for you and how dare he and you deserve more and blahblahblah when there's all those little inbetweenbits that are so nice and calm and seem to make everything worthwhile. But when it comes down to it those moments aren't big, like flowers and candy and showy movie drama. They're small, like arms around your shoulders or warm cups of tea or amillionother minute indescribable things that slip through the gossip cracks and get lost. So suddenly everything's off-balance.

And I don't want everyone to have an opinion about my life, my choices, what's best. I want my judgement to be trusted. But that's hard, because at the same time, I don't trust it myself.

So where does that leave me?

I'm not sure. I suppose it leaves me tripping over strings I've never had to deal with before - not quite falling, just stumbling a little.


~song~ some rad early 90's rock thing that i can't for the life of me remember the name of (artist or title, arg!)


:: Katy 1:03 a.m. [+] :: ::



"Can the brain represent twinkling, perceptually, without representing individual twinkles?"

- Daniel Dennett
:: LINKS ::
* my Amazon.ca wishlist *
* my Flickr *
:: RIGHT NOW READING ::
:: ARCHIVE ::
This page is powered by 

Blogger. Isn't yours? Weblog Commenting by 

HaloScan.com