:: Saturday, June 12, 2004 ::

Here are some disjointed thoughts:

Tonight I was folding my laundry, like the real party animal that I am, and I came across the rose-coloured "hug me" shirt that was a gift from a truly amazing friend and ex-roomie. I'm not usually a fan of messages on t-shirts but that one has sentimental value. It's funny though, because I realized that the only time I can't wear the shirt is when I mean it. Why is wanting someone to care about me a sentiment I only feel comfortable making fun of? Ironic.

I am really well rested, finally. I don't hate my job. I love my second floor room with vaulted ceilings and a skylight and a big bay window to wake up under and beside, respectively. Its just so peaceful here. I may not be at 100% yet, but this is the first time in two months I don't feel like I need a counselor. (I'm considering getting one anyway though.)

What an awful feeling, I remember now, to be uncomfortable in your own skin. It brings me back to high school days, not believing that anyone could think I was attractive, worrying that everyone was whispering about me behind my back. How juvenile. See previous statement about considering therapy.

I think I love it here because I know there is an endpoint in sight. I miss Vancouver. I miss the city and the convenience. I miss annoying public transit and the ability to get drunk and not worry about a ride home. I miss school, a lot (hard to believe?). I miss my city friends.

I forgot how well my old friends and I get along, though. What a vibe you can have, when you've known someone for so long. I wish I could convince everyone I love to pack up and move to Vancouver. But perhaps that's a little selfish of me.

It's so confusing being simultaneously happy and unhappy, relaxed and uncomfortable, self-assured and self-doubting. At this point, I'm just sort of cruising along, in the middle, for the most part. That's fine by me. It's a vast improvement, really.

~song~ James Taylor - Carolina On My Mind

:: Katy 11:42 p.m. [+] :: ::