:: Friday, April 02, 2004 ::

So I'm having a night of big thoughts. Thoughts about my life, what what I'm doing with it, and if I'm happy with it.

I think about returning to UBC next fall and the thought makes me tired. Very tired.

Why do I have this attachment to a piece of paper? Why do I need someone to validate the time that I've spent here? Why can't I just choose to walk away, taking what good I can from it and leaving the stress and unhappiness behind me?

It was easier to imagine finishing when I didn't know what else I wanted to do. But now I know, and the more time passes, the more it seems silly to invest another two years of unhappiness, stress and money into something, simply to validate the three years of unhappiness, stress and money i've already spent.

Why postpone the school I actually want to pursue to finish the school I don't? Wouldn't it make more sense to at least do them the other way around? It's not like I want to drop UBC to work at 7-11, after all. I do want to study and pursue a career. Just not one that I can pursue here.

Will I become a social pariah if I am without a BA? Will I develop the dreaded no-BA leprosy and have my nose fall off and everyone will point and stare and whisper "she dropped out of UBC. Stupid girl couldn't hack it."

Is that what I'm afraid of?

I'm not sure my reasons for wanting to finish are good ones.

Or at least, not good enough.

I guess I have a summer to decide.

(your thoughts are more than welcome - in fact, they would probably be helpful)


~song~ Alma - Chasing A Dream

:: Katy 1:57 a.m. [+] :: ::