:: Tuesday, December 23, 2003 ::

I'm feeling... restless.

You know how they say "home is where the heart is"? Well... what if you don't know your heart that well yet? Mine sends me mixed messages all the time. In Vancouver I wanted to escape. On Salt Spring I was bored. At Mt. Washington I wanted my parents. With my parents I wanted my friends.

Now I'm back in my wee basement suite. I think this is the closest I'll get to relaxed this Christmas break. It still feels weird... I want my roommates. I want my friends. I want my routine. But, for now, the odd smells and the dying houseplants will suffice.

I have to admit though, I'm tired. So tired. I haven't felt this consistently restless, dissatisfied, and even depressed, in quite some time. I'm not going to go into a big "poor me" rant, and I don't really want a host of "you're wonderful/beautiful/loved" comments (although they are always appreciated)... I just want to not feel this way anymore.

On the up side... I am pretty excited for Christmas morning.

I bought myself a Christmas present. Two, actually. Say Anything... and When Harry Met Sally on DVD. Sweet, sweet 80s. Now... I don't have a a DVD player. Guess what my Boxing Day present to myself is going to be?

Hehehe... ah, the irresponsible wasting of money. I am SO STOKED.

If, for two hours, John Cusack can help me not feel so overwhelmingly blah, I have no shame.

sidenote: I always feel disconnected at Christmas... I get bored and get on msn, looking for someone to chat with, but everyone seems to have gone off and found a life. Are any of you reading this right now? I know it's a little silly, but if you are, could you give me a little comment? Just a nod that you're here...


~song~ U2 - All I Want Is You

:: Katy 9:51 p.m. [+] :: ::