:: Friday, November 14, 2003 ::

I have a crush on someone for the first time in... a long, long time.

As we grow older we seem to get more mature about these things... we date - we're naughty, we're coy, we take it slow, we get to know, we rationalise, analyse, sympathise. We fall in love. We're deep and we fall hard and we care to the point of tears. We drink legally, smoke, look bored while sipping fancy cocktails, doubles, no ice, and dance to justin timberlake and comprimise our morals. We're jaded and we're cynical and we dabble, make smalltalk and we come home alone.

But it seems very rare that we just get a crush. So very high school, it is, to see a person and dodge eye contact because you don't know what they think of you and you don't know what to say. A person you like because you have good conversations, but now that you've realised you like them you can't string two words together coherently. A person you like because they're just them, and it's not about how they look or act or think, but just... something. Something.

When I was in the Seventh Grade I had a crush on a redheaded boy. He wore torn, tapered jeans and glasses and an old green baseball cap. He had freckles and he was shy and the girls, they loved him. And the boys - they were confused. Why did so many girls love this boy? He wasn't particularily attractive. Not unattractive, but... well, what was sparking so many girls to feel this way?

He just had that something. You couldn't pinpoint it, you just... knew.

It's been a long time since I've liked a boy just because I felt that something.

And the great thing about that something is that you never know what it's going to do next. It could get a lot stronger, or it could just disappear. But it's okay, because it's not some deep intense overanalysed thing. It's just... well, something.


~song~ Tegan & Sara - City Girl

:: Katy 1:31 a.m. [+] :: ::