:: Friday, April 25, 2003 ::

This time is drawing to a close

I've been pretty quiet this week - hermiting again. It's mainly because of guilt: I know I'm not going to accomplish anything, and yet I feel like if I leave my room I'm negating every possibility of work. The long and the short of it is that I've been cooped up in here for over a week. I watched unmentionable amounts of television. I played many a game of solitaire. And to tell the truth, it was getting a little lonely.

So now that the pressure is off, why did I choose to stay in tonight? I'm not really sure.

I turned my lights down, watched some old Dawson's Creek episodes, and puttered about cleaning. Well, managing the nuclear fallout would be a more accurate description. And it was nice, you know? And while all week my puttering was to avoid something, tonight it had purpose. Preparing to pack up my things and get out of here. Moving time.

When I left my island to come here the summer after Grade 12, I wasn't really ready to say goodbye to home. I knew there was something out there to discover, but I really hadn't said my goodbyes. I wasn't sick of my friends and I wasn't sick of my family. The only thing really motivating me to leave was the knowledge that staying wasn't an option, and the vague idea that life away would be more exciting.

And it was exciting. It was also the hardest thing I ever did. And at the end of my 8 months, I wasn't ready to go back home. I left my posters up on the walls until the very last day, I went out drinking every night, and I ignored the inevitability of the boxes sitting empty on my floor. When push came to shove, I packed with the same method I apply to writing essays: slowly, labouriously, and all night long. From 10pm until 10am I packed, and then I climbed in the van with my father and drove away.

Some people like to leave with a bang, at the height of the excitement, never letting things get old. But every time I've done that, it's made it really hard to leave, and really hard to appreciate the next thing that comes along.

But I've grown sick enough of this place that I know I'll really enjoy the next one.

I don't move for 6 days yet I've already started cleaning and sorting. Pretty soon I'll take the posters off the wall.


~song~ Pavement - Stereo

:: Katy 12:26 a.m. [+] :: ::