:: Sunday, April 06, 2003 ::

As the bass rumbles my residence, I ponder...

It appears that fate doesn't want me to get to sleep before midnight. Ever. Tonight I attempted it, but the Totem Dance has intervened. The sounds of Missy and Justin and JLo have been pounding into my tired little head and making me think. Think, because I sure as hell can't sleep.

So you know that I watched High Fidelity for about the 800th time the other day.




*WARNING: Spoiler Ahead*
















Anyway, as much as I love the movie, I've always hated the ending. It bugged me that Rob chose to stay with Laura when he admittedly wasn't nutty over her. And vice versa. It bugged me even more because of the potential that existed with Natasha Gregson Wagner's character (can't remember her name), whom I love because she's so damn cute. It always seemed to me like he was giving up on love.

Where am I going with this you ask?

Well, tonight I'm lying in bed thinking about the future, and the things that I want, and of my house and job and the potential for boys and it occurred to me that I never really dream of fireworks. I mean, not that I don't want that feeling, but... hmm. How to say.

I don't want a whirlwind romance. I don't want craziness and intensity and giant displays of affection. I don't want a dozen roses and a box of chocolates on Valentines day. These things seem fleeting to me. What I really want in the end is someone to talk to, someone with similar beliefs about politics, literature, philosophy, music, and spirituality. Beliefs similar, but not the same - different enough to keep the conversation interesting. I want long walks and days spent on the beach and in the woods. I want someone who plays the guitar. I want days wasted under the down comforter, sleeping in unapologetically and not feeling the need to rush somewhere. I guess what all of these examples have in common is their lack of... speed. I don't want a whirlwind romance. I want something calm, steady, comforting.

And thinking about this I suddenly realize that Rob and Laura didn't give up on love. If you take the script at face value then that is how it can appear. But maybe the truth is that they have something better than a whirlwind romance. Perhaps the reason the divorce rate is soaring these days isn't only because we now have the option of being divorced. Perhaps the real reason is because faery tales and Julia Roberts movies have us convinced that that butterfly feeling has to be there forever. That it's not 'real' once it gets hard. And perhaps this is unrealistic. Actually, fuck 'perhaps.' It is unrealistic.

Maybe Rob looked at Natasha Gregson Wagner and rather than seeing the cute sparky potential that we, the viewer, percieved, he just saw a card that read "go back to start." Maybe he finally realized that the faery tale isn't real. And maybe he looked at Laura and rather than feeling those sparks, he felt comfort in her. I think that's what he's trying to get at when he talks affectionately about seeing her old white cotton panties that have been washed a hundred times. I also think he's hinting at this when he talks about how she "feels like home" to him. I always loved that part.

So blahblahblah. We all know I'm definately not an authority on love. I'm not saying that butterflies aren't good. But maybe they're not meant to last forever. Maybe by expecting them to, we miss out on something... better. I think feeling comfortable and at home is underrated.

Or maybe I'm wrong. But now I like the movie even more.

G'night kids.
Katy

:: Katy 12:36 a.m. [+] :: ::