:: Thursday, February 06, 2003 ::

Tired Eyes, Whirring Mind

I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with myself. Explain to myself why I shouldn't leave all my essays to the last minute. Explain that my body doesn't like being kept up all night - especially when there's an epidemic of god-knows-what sickness going around the building. Explain I need my rest. And then I wish that I could understand, agree and make a change for the better.

I guess I have to work in baby steps.

This essay shouldn't be so hard. I love the subject. It's just so hard to take something as abstract as the concepts of conciousness and free will and then box them into neat paragraphs, double spaced and tied up with a pretty thesis statement. I have no thesis. I know I just have to pick one and run with it for the sake of argument but I don't want to put my name to an opinion I don't respect or fully understand. I want to contradict myself. I want to debate. I don't want a pretty bow, I don't want a neat package. I don't believe in black and white - it's all about the gray area, the indecision, the room for growth and change. You can't just trim off the rough edges of a concept in order to fit it to a certain mould - it's the rough edges that are what make it unique, interesting, relevant. It's the exploration of these rough edges that cause us to learn, grow, expand our minds. I reject the thesis statement. I reject the essay. I want a conversation. I want people. I want to demonstrate my knowledge through discussion and interaction.

I guess I just want to go to sleep.

*sigh*


listening: Cat Stevens - Tea For The Tillerman
reading: take a wild guess....
watching: nada

:: Katy 3:16 a.m. [+] :: ::