:: Tuesday, December 24, 2002 ::

When it rains, it pours

So much negativity in this journal. So much negativity the last few days. I got stung by a bee today. It seriously upset me. Then I started thinking - when exactly did I turn into the kind of person to care SO MUCH about money and bee stings? I used to pride myself on being so optimistic. On being laid back. So I started thinking. My finger was throbbing (that's where the bee stung me) and I realised that it was kinda cool. The way the pain seemed to push into the bone and then radiate up my hand. I turned and saw my reflection in a window and smiled at the way my nose ring sparkled back at me. I got in the shower and washed my stresses down the drain, ran my fingers along the expanse of my skin and felt I had a little secret in the softness of it. Contentment in the realisation that I'm finally comfortable in it. Fresh air, the ocean, finally being able to go to my not-so-secret spot and just meditate and calm my whirring mind. Went out with my friends and realised that they are my history, my security. They are the ones who know every little detail of my personality, who know all my flaws and annoying habits and love me anyway. Realised that as much as I've been bitching about this break, I haven't laughed this much in a very long time. Laughed until my sides ached, until I couldn't breathe, until tears rolled down my cheeks in an unstoppable flood of immature amusement.

I guess even though so far I've had my car towed, lost my job, hit a deer, lost my scholarship money for january, got stung by a bee, stepped in dog shit and cried more than I have all term, it's still a great vacation. As my mom so eloquently put it the time that I crashed her car and thought she was going to kill me, "shit happens." She was totally right - there's no point in stressing about anything, because stress can't change it, so you might as well just go with the flow. Crying about that bee sting isn't going to make it hurt any less than laughing about it is, so why not laugh?

(listening to: Millencolin - Pennybridge Pioneers)

:: Katy 2:25 a.m. [+] :: ::