:: Tuesday, December 10, 2002 ::

The Power of Words...

I wrote this entry in my head walking back from the bus loop tonight, so I know no matter how I write it down it's not going to sound the way I want it to.

This is an overused example, but back in high school I used to fight with certain friends over their liberal use of the word "gay". I don't agree with using this word synonymously with "bad". My friends would always argue that they didn't really mean it that way. I would always argue back that the gay guy/girl walking down the street didn't know that. A little later in life I had a discussion where someone pointed out that the emotions of every random person who might overhear the conversation are not my responsibility. You know, I can see the point they're making. At the time, I almost agreed. But tonight, it's really bugging me.

Maybe I don't have to take responsibility for the way my words affect people - especially people they weren't directed at. But this seems not only insensitive, but illogical. Why would I speak if I'm not willing to take responsibility for what I say? Why would I speak if not to affect people? Why would I want to affect people in a negative way? Maybe I don't have to take responsibility for my words, but I want to, because no matter how much I can justify to myself that the emotions of others are not my responsibility, at the end of the day that guy/girl will still feel shitty. I don't want to know that I'm the cause for that feeling, either directly or indirectly.

Sometimes I just need to look at my life and think about it in terms of other people and not myself. Live with empathy, you know? Put myself in their shoes. It's easy to deny responsibility for something when you don't really have an understanding of it. It's a balance. In order to take care of anyone else you must first take care of yourself. But you can take care of yourself without causing harm.

To bring this to a more relevent subject, how about this journal? I often worry about what I'm writing in here, and then say, "screw it, it's for me, not them." But honestly, we all know that isn't true. If it was, I certainly wouldn't be posting it on the internet. What power do I expect these words to have?

You know, I don't even know. But whatever it is, I hope it's positive.

You know, like I predicted, I just can't seem to say this right. I'm gonna let Buddha say it instead:

[The Buddha speaks to his son, Rahula:] "Whenever you want to perform a verbal act, you should reflect on it: 'This verbal act I want to perform -- would it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Is it an unskillful verbal act, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it would lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both; it would be an unskillful verbal act with painful consequences, painful results, then any verbal act of that sort is absolutely unfit for you to do. But if on reflection you know that it would not cause affliction... it would be a skillful verbal action with happy consequences, happy results, then any verbal act of that sort is fit for you to do."

To be clear: this isn't meant to be preach-y... I just agree with what he says there. Cause no harm. Hmm... perhaps my philosophy could be more concisely summed up with Ben Harper lyrics instead...

"my choice is what I choose to do
and if I'm causing no harm
it shouldn't bother you
your choice is who you choose to be
and if your causin' no harm
then you're alright with me"

Yeah.

(listening to: Pink Floyd - The Dark Side of The Moon)

:: Katy 3:03 a.m. [+] :: ::