:: Thursday, December 05, 2002 ::

Money Money Money...

I have about six dollars in my bank account and thirty seven cents in my wallet. Five dollars on my laundry card too, but I can't get those back, so I don't count them... but at least I'll have clean socks tomorrow.

I have never felt more free. It's so easy to look at all the things you could spend your money on and feel a certain sense of desperation... look at a pair of shoes and think, "I NEED those." I don't. I don't need anything. I'm not saying that money is irrelevent... but I've already paid for my food and shelter, so what worries do I have? So I can't got to a concert. So I can't buy a new hoodie. So I can't get drunk. Is that what life is about? What college is about? I say fuck it.

Last night I went to the bar. No cover. I spent my last two bucks on my share of a pitcher (okay, not quite my share, but the V-Club has my back) and had an amazing time playing free pool and just talking... about philosophy, english, film, life, drugs, sex... the good stuff. Walked home from the bar in the spectacular weather - cold but in that invigorating way - and played some music with friends. Got high outdoors (under the artificial lighting of some building, but hey, nothing's perfect) and had a singalong of Sublime classics. Came home and read beautiful poetry. Slept in 'til eleven.

All of that for two bones.

It's fun to have enough money that you never have to think about it. I had that last spring and it was awesome. Imagine never having to limit yourself based on finances. Imagine never saying "No" to anything - or "Yes" to anything - for a money-related reason. I admit, I'd probably take that over this. But I'm glad I'm learning this lesson now. When you have all that money, you're going to do things that require it... you're going to drink, you're going to go to concerts, you're going to go shopping and buy many things you don't really need. You're going to accumulate... stuff.

Now that I'm without, what do I do? Instead of going to concerts I'm learning how to play the guitar. Instead of buying books I've started writing again. Instead of buying clothes I'm learning to repair what I already own. Instead of going indoors to clubs and pubs and fitness centres I head outside and find a substitute. Nature has no cover charge. Meditation is free. Fresh air is priceless.

Or maybe that's just me. I'm realising that I need to learn to be a little less judgemental about values. As long as there's no harm being caused, it's all good. But seriously... how could you look at all the things in life that are so beautiful and breathtaking and FREE and really think you needed more?

I love you kids. All of yaz. More than that, I respect you. Any feedback about the poems would still be welcomed... no pressure, no pressure.

(listening to: Alma - What's This?)

:: Katy 12:28 a.m. [+] :: ::